The post in which I end up thanking my children for misbehavior. Or alternately titled: Magic Erasers will save you from spanking your children.

 

Let me recount some events for you.  The events leading up to my son, Ty, losing just about every earthly possession. 

Quiet time was ending for Ty at about 2:30 Monday afternoon, and he came downstairs to join me.  Shortly after, about 3:00 PM I asked him if he would go upstairs and rouse Marlo from her nap and have her come down as well.  This is usual routine at our house, so this was not something new.  The same time Ty ascended the stairs, there was a knock on the door. 

Our handyman, Doug, who has a penchant for addressing me, “Hey Lady…” (which I’m not sure how I feel about this, but I digress…) was at the door and wanting to come in and ask some questions and get access to the basement for some random things.  While chatting with him, the kids were STILL upstairs.  Still, this was nothing out of the ordinary, as they will sometimes stay up there and read books like the little angels they are.  Ahem. **Spoiler alert:  their reputation as angels is about to be shot down, entirely.**

Typically, my rule is:  never let a child stay alone for longer in minutes than their age or else you are almost guaranteed to have a problem.  For example, Marlo is 3, I usually will not let her be alone for more than 3 minutes.  For some reason, this rule was not blinking in my mind on this particular afternoon. 

After seeing Doug out, I decided to go check on those little quiet angels…

I walked up the stairs, and down to Marlo’s bedroom. 

I walked in.

I saw this.

 

My mouth was agape.  My eyes shot from one piece of furniture to the next.  Then I landed my eyes on the guilty ones.  Each with an UNWASHABLE (yes. unwashable) marker snug in their grasps.  And do you know what Ty says?

“Hi Mom.  Marlo is coloring on the walls.”

Pardon my French, but…NO SH*T!!!!!!

Every single parenting stereotype and phrase came out in that moment.  I put both fists on my hips, furrowed my brow, pointed straight at Ty and said, “YOU ARE IN BIG TROUBLE.”  (I wish I had said, “Mr…” that would have been even better).  There was no time for lesson teaching, right from wrong mumbo jumbo….I went straight for the good stuff. 

“EVERY SINGLE LEGO AND BATMAN TOY IS GONE!”

After snatching those darned markers out of their chubby hands, and scurrying them out of there like little scared mice I surveyed the damage…

Come along with me, won’t you?  Feel free to laugh, cringe, gasp, oooh and ahhh at any point because I can’t hear or see you, though I am at the point of seeing humor in this about now since it’s been about T minus 24 hours…

Let’s come back to this lovely picture.  I received so many comments on this photo (on Facebook).

Someone said, “Wow, Marlo is getting tall!”  (Get it?)

Many people liked and appreciated that the Batman in the middle of the bookcase has a big ol’ fat smile. 

Another very dear friend thinks that I will regret having cleaned this bookcase off, because it could forever be a reminder to me of the innocence of childhood and the memories…

But perhaps my favorite comment of all was from my darling or maybe not so darling little Marlo.  When I pointed to this bookcase (when I was still in furrowed brow-mad-mommy mode) just in a general sense and said, “WHAT IS THIS???” Marlo just matter of factly pointed to her drawing (the figure at the bottom) and said, “This is Batgirl.  And she has a batrope.”  Gee, thanks for clearing that one up for me Marzy.

The fan?  Seriously? 

If you are laughing yet, this is a good point to stop because this chair slip cover is pretty much ruined.  I’m not laughing at this one.  Do you know why?  This chair is not from Big Lots, it’s from Pottery Barn.  $$$. 

I imagine Ty rubbing the marker into the carpet and giggling like a little impish devil that he was in that moment.

The appropriate response to this photo is a long drawn out, “ooooooh”.  If that green line shooting up the wall had gone a few more inches into the fabric of that heirloom dress I would NOT be a happy mama, at all.  IF Ty made one good decision in this whole ordeal, this was it.  To stop the green line right where he did. 

Move just to the left and look down.  I’m guessing by the M’s at the bottom of the closet door, that was my sweet little Marlo making her mark.  I’m all about encouraging literacy, but certainly NOT in this medium. 

I would have loved to have been a fly on the wall (and I probably would have developed evil stinging capabilities if I had been and witnessed this mischief!) when Ty thought to actually write Marlo’s name on her back.  Let’s continue this graffiti on actual humans.  Nice work Ty.  And dear Marlo, why did you agree to this????  This is your peacock shirt!

Marlo’s work.  I just know it.  See the M’s?  (Thank goodness she spared the clothing in here as well.)

 

This particular scene of the artwork shows their teamwork skills.  (Hey, it’s my job as a mother to look at the positive aspects sometimes right???)  I do know that brown figure is a Batman, courtesy of Miss Marlo, but big brother Ty was there to lend a helping hand and assist in signing her name.  For the record, for those of you who care, cleaning the marker from those corners is NEAR IMPOSSIBLE.  Magic Eraser=no.  Aquanet=no.  Elbow grease=no.  Cursing at it while doing all three previously mentioned=definitely no.

Another positive slant:  I guess I did need to organize and label this bin. 

Well, this must have been one of the many moments when Ty thought I was a complete IDIOT with no brain, and that I would actually think a boy named Tommy was the guilty party in all this mess.  News Flash:  Mommy is NOT a complete IDIOT with no brain.  And would you look at that poor piggy bank?

Here’s another moment in which I was not laughing.  Luckily these were cleaned fairly easily. 

No pillow was left unturned.  Those thorough little MONSTERS. 

I’ve had various responses to this whole MESS, from emails and texts to Facebook messages to outright bursts of laughter in the hallways at school.  Some of them are pieces of advice for cleaning solutions, some moms have a complete understanding as they have been in my shoes too.  But perhaps the universal image that everyone agrees is quite laughable is this…

Nice glasses Marlo.  Nice beard Ty.

Life is in the details.  (MY lesson in all of this.)

Dear Children,

I love you two dearly, and I was SO steaming mad at this incident, but darn….you guys are funny.  And you have given me a renewed sense of making sure I stay on top of my parenting and awareness game. 

And for that, I say thank you.

I’ll be sure to keep this for the archives and pull it out at all the important moments of your lives.

Love,

Your non-idiot-and-able-to-laugh-at-a-disaster- Mom

P.S.  Boy, it sure is sweet being rid of those darn Legos and 50 million Batman toys…what a sweet reward of your punishment!

P.P.S  If you ever do this again, my hands will not be scrubbing with Magic Erasers they will be warming your buns! 

P.P.P.S  I will still love you.